I don’t remember how the conversation was started, but I remember, after this body of mine developed and birthed three babies, realizing how incredibly blessed I was that my body had such an incredible ability to do this thing it feels like it should do, yet, as I saw so many hurting women around me, also recognizing it wasn’t a given. Having problem-free pregnancies and deliveries is an absolute gift. It felt, in a certain sense, like my body was just made to have babies.

I know that’s weird to say, but I do remember feeling that way. As such, I had thought, those four or so years ago, how beautiful it would be to be able to share that blessing with someone else – how this body of mine could be used to give the gift of motherhood to another woman who longed for such a treasure. And, as I discussed this with my husband, another thought hit me – this probably isn’t a normal thing to think about. I’ve since learned that it’s not as uncommon as I believed then, but even at the time, surrogacy was discussed as this strange thing that some people do, but not exactly natural. It wasn’t seen by everyone as a beautiful process – it’s still not seen that way by many. The logical conclusion for me, then, was that if this was how I was feeling and if this stirring was in my heart, it just might be from God.

So, I left myself open to that, this knowledge somewhere deep inside that someday surrogacy was very likely to be a part of my story.

I didn’t really know, though, what that meant for me now (as in, the now that was now four years ago). At various points in the past few years, the thought would return to me, especially as I realized I was not getting any younger and if this was something I was meant to do, it needed to happen before the window of my prime child-bearing years closed. I wondered if I should offer this to a few couples I knew struggling, but that felt entirely too awkward (“Hey, I know you want a baby and, well, I know it’s not working out for you – would you like me to carry that for you?” – It’s not exactly a sack of groceries.) and I even looked into agencies to see what would be required to just put myself out there – let others know I was ready and willing. But that didn’t feel right, either.

So, I decided to leave it in His hands. If this was what God wanted from me – from my family – it would happen in His time, in His way. In one conversation with a close friend, I mentioned this, but I didn’t tell anyone else about what I had been feeling.

But, really, it’s not like anyone would just come out and ask, “Do you want to carry my baby?” Not likely to happen. So I began to brush it aside.

And then I mostly didn’t think about it again.

Until I got a text.

On a normal evening when I was in the car with my family to go trick-or-treat at a local university, I noticed a text from a friend – someone who, really, if you think about it, was almost more in the acquaintance category. Off and on for a couple years I had helped to prepare dinner for her family. We chatted, of course, when she came to pick up that week’s delivery of marinated chicken, but there were no deep conversations or pouring out of the heart. It was a casually friendly relationship. I saw her name in my notifications and thought, “Oh, maybe she needs me to cook more chicken.”

Not exactly.

“Strange question . . .” it started, “Have you ever considered surrogacy? I have a friend looking for a surrogate and you came to mind . . .”

My heart rate quickened and my only thought was, “So, now, God? Like, now?!” Because it’s been a crazy semester and I’ve been running like a mad-woman and exhausted. Fulfilled, happy, but exhausted. It definitely, though, was never a question of “Should I?” Because God had answered that question for me four years ago. He had spent so much time laying the groundwork and getting my heart ready that I knew this was Him.

Also, because how else would someone think, “Hey, that friend of mine cooks some good chicken, I bet she’d cook a good baby . . .” Not that she thought that at all, of course, but it’s not entirely common to ask someone you don’t know on a deep level to carry someone’s baby.

So, no, there was never a question in my mind if this was from God.

I read the text. I held it in my hands and in my heart. But I also realized this man next to me driving the car while I read this text which might be changing at least the next year of our lives, if not the heartbeat of our family forever, was about to get out of this car and usher four small children through crowds of other candy-seeking children, holding onto his sanity by a thread as we worked to keep tabs on our four costumed minions. It wasn’t exactly the time to say, “Hey, look at this text I just got!”

I held it in my heart, and I moved throughout the evening, almost numb. We put the kids to bed, my husband sank, exhausted, into a chair in our schoolroom while I started on the dishes.

“So . . . I got this text tonight . . .”

I handed him my phone.

I, honestly, don’t remember what he said, but I do remember, as I sat down to face him, the conversation began with all the things we would need to consider as we started the conversation with the parents of this potential child. We weren’t ready to say, “Yes,” but the idea of saying, “No” hadn’t really crossed our minds, either. We were ready to have a conversation.

And I responded to the text saying as much. The mother, I said, could e-mail me if she’d like to discuss it further.

It was a Thursday.

We spent the weekend praying, talking, praying, waiting and praying. There was a slight fear in the pit of my stomach, because there is a very real difference between thinking, “That would be neat to do someday.” and realizing, “I really might be doing this.” But, if this was from God, and we had no doubt it was, it was something we needed to do, fearful or not.

By Monday, there was definite peace about what we knew we were being asked to do, but I still hadn’t heard anything and I began to realize I didn’t know at what stage in the process these parents were. For all I knew, she had simply decided that it was something she’d like to do someday and she was just looking for options, in the event that they decided they wanted to go that route. I, literally, had no idea who this couple was or what they had in mind.

I did, however, know, in the depths of my heart, we were going to say, “Yes.”

That morning I got a call from my friend telling me more about the mother and, also, that they already had embryos ready, they just needed a body. This was going to go more quickly than I’d even imagined. I thought that evening, “By this time next year, will I have had a baby?!”

That night, Monday night, the last thing I did before turning out the light was to check my e-mail for the umpteenth time that day, just in case. And there it was. The e-mail I had been waiting for.

By Wednesday it felt like we had been e-mailing back and forth for days and we were ready to have a real phone conversation to discuss where to go from here.

We talked for an hour that night, and it felt like we’d known each other forever. There’s no other way to describe it. It was just a natural ease of two women chatting on the phone – about an enormously life-changing event.

Right now we don’t know where God is taking this story, but we do know it is not our story, it is every bit His story.

God has been preparing our hearts for this for years, which, to me, is a beautiful testimony. Though I don’t know the end result or even if I will be a viable candidate, the fact that God has been tugging at my heart over the process of surrogacy since before this couple, who were strangers to us, had ever even met, before they had married, before they struggled with infertility and prayed for an answer, is a testimony to the amazing faithfulness of our God. He answers prayers before we even know we have a need. He always knows.

This truth is absolutely beautiful and, to me, the most important part of what’s happening right now. More important than what the next year will look like, or what we’ll tell our kids or strangers in the grocery store. This story isn’t about us. It’s about the glory of our faithful God who is making miracles happen right before our eyes.

There are, yes, many things to think about. As intelligent adults, we are fully aware that this is not a flippant decision. It is, in fact, hands down, the biggest decision we’ve ever made for our family. I know it would seem like three days wasn’t much time to discuss or pray, but the truth is, there WAS much discussion and prayer. Particularly since much of this discussion happened years ago when we first decided this would be something we would be willing to do if God ever called us to it.

These discussions years ago are the reason that both of us, when we read the text with this seemingly out-of-left-field request, knew that, though it was crazy and not at all what we actually expected to happen, it was simply God calling in what he’d asked us to do way back when he first laid it on our hearts.

And because we know Who is really asking us to do this, while we plan to have thorough conversations with the other parties involved, we’re not mapping every detail to look for deal-breakers. Contracts will happen, guidelines will be established, but, ultimately, our God is a God of details – we are not going to be so audacious as to demand that until WE know every detail we will not move forward.

It is a scary, exciting, interesting journey we’re starting on, but, as with any journey, it’s about one foot in front of the other. God is directing us and we will trust Him to continue to guide our steps, one at a time. We have questions. We don’t have all the answers, but we know the One in charge.

NOTE: This post was written while the feelings were fresh and things were brand new to us – at the end of 2016. In the time since, questions have been answered and things have been set in motion. We are happy to announce we had the successful embryo transfer in February 2017 and are all eagerly anticipating the arrival of this much-prayed-for little one. Its life is truly a miracle.

FURTHER NOTE: While our journey had many ups and downs, including a devastating miscarriage (please feel free to check out the “Gestational Carrier” Category in my sidebar for the rest of the story), we are further ecstatic to announce that these parents welcomed into their arms a precious baby boy in March of 2018. What an amazing blessing to be a part of such a miracle!