Not long ago, I wrote about a lame man made made whole – healed by God through the hands of the apostles. I discussed how beautiful it can be when we truly display the healing God has brought into our lives – allowing our full restoration to not be hidden, but to allow our mended cracks to shine brightly for His glory.

But there’s another side to this coin. It’s a side Paul discussed often – what he called his “thorn in the flesh.” We don’t know what the thorn was, for absolute certain, but we know it was an ongoing struggle for Paul – something broken he felt was never quite fixed.

What about those? What about those areas where we pray and we beg and we plead for healing, for redemption, for whole-ness – and we feel our prayers are just not being answered the way we’d like. The healing isn’t coming. The struggle continues. The broken-ness persists.

I have struggled emotionally, mentally, and physically in various realms over the past several years. Some struggles come and go, some seem to be constant.

When I struggle with anger, I feel like I’m failing, yet again, to be the person I was made to be. When I respond out of spitefulness or bitterness, I feel like it’s never going to change. That no matter how much I study my Bible or pray or beg God to change my heart and my words and my actions that I will be like Paul – doing the things I don’t want to do, not doing the things I do want to do.

I feel broken. I feel useless. I feel like I need quiet my own voice, because who am I to speak? I am like a piece of pottery that is cracked beyond utility – if this crumbling pitcher could hold any water, it would be a barely usable portion pooling at the bottom. My flaws aren’t a cute little crack – they’re everywhere.

I know I am merely a vessel, but I feel, as a vessel, if I were to be poured into, all that was poured in would only come pouring out my cracks, my chips, my broken parts.

And as I imagine this image, in tears, in my lowest moments, I realize something so beautiful.

That it’s ok.

Because if what is being poured into me is the Holy Spirit, and it feels I can’t hold on to enough because it’s only pouring back out – isn’t that what’s meant to happen?

That in our brokenness, the Holy Spirit can spill out onto others. That even though I can’t hold the water of the spirit, that what others see pouring out is still the beauty of God’s glory.

I feel broken and ugly and useless. But His glory flows from me nonetheless.

He doesn’t choose priceless, perfect vessels – but vessels made of clay, like us. Imperfect, broken and beautiful to Him.

Sometimes He fixes the cracks. He makes us whole. Sometimes He fixes some cracks and allows others to remain – so we might be able to notice that whether healed or still broken, His glory shines.

It shines in the gold flecks of mended art. It shines in the weeping wounds of broken vessels.

His glory and His Spirit remain. If we only allow Him to pour into us.

Life, and sanctification, is a journey. Care to join me? Sign up below to join my mailing list and grab a coupon to my Etsy store.